Thursday, October 22, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Men's Back Waxing Pittsburgh
Gonna Make It ...
....one day. Its getting a bit easier, settling in and calming down a little, going deep and sometimes just feeling so lonely that I spent hours in front of the computer. Missing nature, missing love and human contact. But, I start opening up more than ever before, discovering new aspects of myself, of being, getting clearer, starting to know the woman inside. Growing within my dignity and pride, sometimes easier, sometimes harder to keep. I have been sick with intense colds (no flu, thank god) several times, feels like adjusting to the german energy, the cold, the aloneness, all the kids around me coughing, sneezing, integration of all this.
I feel, I am learning so much, growing so much and getting somewhat closer to myself.
I have come to deeply love the work in the kindergarten, cooking lots with the kids, just enjoying the beautiful connections, the intense alivenes, so good! And its definetly not enough, moneywise...trying to live on 700 euros a month and that doesnt even pay the bills, so desperately searching for a second job and hope to make it soon, it is getting exhausting to keep thinking about money and not being able to buy anything (like warm clothes...) But I am feeling rich and warm inside, so the outside will change soon, I trust.
I am deeply into music, listening to the most different kinds of songs and loving the commuting times in the mornings and evenings on my way to work, just loosing myself in music...ahh yummm ;-)
It feels, I will be here until next september and that´s hard to accept, I miss the oceans, the nature, so much and the city is burning, is so intense and grey... and its easy to accept, I trzst, I am just right here, getting into so much contact, learnign so many new things, its so ALIVE!
I just did another Path of love retreat (men and women on the path of love) and it has been seriously amazing, life-changing again (as the first one) I would say. So deep, so intense, so delicate, to know myself deeper every step I take, being so real, so maskless, so raw, how beautiful and free! I am deeply gratefull for having the possibility to experience this, giving myself this present. There is so much freedom possible, so much love and depth and I am getting closer ;-) step by step. Building friendships with beautiful people in and around cologne, dancing and getting softer with myself, harder with the outside, things are falling into their natural places.
I keep visiting my old lady for the hospice who was supposed to be dying soon, but insists on being alive and kicking! She is absolutely graceful and amazing!
It will soon be my mothers silver anniversary, so its time to go up to Oldenburg for a night, bringing back some more treasures into my new home... (get my juicer, YAY!) What I absolutely love is, that you can get good organic food even at the retailers and discounters and there are cheap organic supermarkets around every corner, what a blessing! and the richness of europes food, such a beautifull variety of delicacies, I missed that in NZ and OZ ;-) where a couple of retailers dictate what u eat and buy... my best friend Pia is pregnant and I will be aunty in december ;-)))))))) YAY!
And I am painting, painting, painting, spending nights over the canvas, loosing myself in the colours (you guess it, oceans and skies and lots of blue ;-) such a great therapy, seeking an amazing tool to process and fall deep into myself.
And yet, I sometimes wished I was in Byron, doing the season there, to be swimming on Hawaii tramping in NZ ... next year, got to make some money first and learn a little more, soaking up my energy motherlands. .. 
....one day. Its getting a bit easier, settling in and calming down a little, going deep and sometimes just feeling so lonely that I spent hours in front of the computer. Missing nature, missing love and human contact. But, I start opening up more than ever before, discovering new aspects of myself, of being, getting clearer, starting to know the woman inside. Growing within my dignity and pride, sometimes easier, sometimes harder to keep. I have been sick with intense colds (no flu, thank god) several times, feels like adjusting to the german energy, the cold, the aloneness, all the kids around me coughing, sneezing, integration of all this.
I feel, I am learning so much, growing so much and getting somewhat closer to myself.
I have come to deeply love the work in the kindergarten, cooking lots with the kids, just enjoying the beautiful connections, the intense alivenes, so good! And its definetly not enough, moneywise...trying to live on 700 euros a month and that doesnt even pay the bills, so desperately searching for a second job and hope to make it soon, it is getting exhausting to keep thinking about money and not being able to buy anything (like warm clothes...) But I am feeling rich and warm inside, so the outside will change soon, I trust.
I am deeply into music, listening to the most different kinds of songs and loving the commuting times in the mornings and evenings on my way to work, just loosing myself in music...ahh yummm ;-)
It feels, I will be here until next september and that´s hard to accept, I miss the oceans, the nature, so much and the city is burning, is so intense and grey... and its easy to accept, I trzst, I am just right here, getting into so much contact, learnign so many new things, its so ALIVE!
I just did another Path of love retreat (men and women on the path of love) and it has been seriously amazing, life-changing again (as the first one) I would say. So deep, so intense, so delicate, to know myself deeper every step I take, being so real, so maskless, so raw, how beautiful and free! I am deeply gratefull for having the possibility to experience this, giving myself this present. There is so much freedom possible, so much love and depth and I am getting closer ;-) step by step. Building friendships with beautiful people in and around cologne, dancing and getting softer with myself, harder with the outside, things are falling into their natural places.
I keep visiting my old lady for the hospice who was supposed to be dying soon, but insists on being alive and kicking! She is absolutely graceful and amazing!
It will soon be my mothers silver anniversary, so its time to go up to Oldenburg for a night, bringing back some more treasures into my new home... (get my juicer, YAY!) What I absolutely love is, that you can get good organic food even at the retailers and discounters and there are cheap organic supermarkets around every corner, what a blessing! and the richness of europes food, such a beautifull variety of delicacies, I missed that in NZ and OZ ;-) where a couple of retailers dictate what u eat and buy... my best friend Pia is pregnant and I will be aunty in december ;-)))))))) YAY!
And I am painting, painting, painting, spending nights over the canvas, loosing myself in the colours (you guess it, oceans and skies and lots of blue ;-) such a great therapy, seeking an amazing tool to process and fall deep into myself.
And yet, I sometimes wished I was in Byron, doing the season there, to be swimming on Hawaii tramping in NZ ... next year, got to make some money first and learn a little more, soaking up my energy motherlands. ..
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